In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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