Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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