He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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