i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
