What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
