it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
