I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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