Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
