I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
