I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
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Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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