he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my shit smells like andre
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
