So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
