Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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