please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
