You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
