how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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