called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
