my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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