I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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