apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
