I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
