so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
