just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
