I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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