just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
