I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
