looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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