I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
