YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
