I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
