If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
