It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
