two words: eviction party
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
