I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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