Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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