well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
