I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
