Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
false alarm, still single
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
