A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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