Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
