then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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