You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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