I am puke
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
