She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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