We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
