So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
