end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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