Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
