bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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