you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
