Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Someone came in the potted fern
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
