i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
