if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
