I'm drive I can fine osifer
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
