At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.