the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.