I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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