God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.