I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
