I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
