How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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