So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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