So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
