Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
