Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
