Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
