i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
