hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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