I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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