God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
