so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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