He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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