Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
high people should be assigned attendants
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
