There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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