You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
