Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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