At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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