and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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