How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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